she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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