Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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