How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
