i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
