R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize