I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
