We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize