Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
