I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
