He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
