so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
