the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
