tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize