she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
