I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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