his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
