were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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