You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
