He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
