I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
