he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
