I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
