at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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