Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
