There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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