i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
