Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
