He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pooping to opera.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
