he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
