his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
