imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
