two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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