Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
