he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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