Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
