Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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