she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
