I can tuck mytits in my pants
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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