SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
