Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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