Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize