I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
