I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
