I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
