im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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