I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
