Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
