I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The uberlube is also flammable
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
