Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
