can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
