I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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