rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize