Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
