I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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