I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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