It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
