My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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