Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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