Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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