he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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