thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
